BREAKING NEWS: The Pity Train has derailed at the intersection of Suck It Up & Move On, and crashed into We All Have Problems, before coming to a complete stop at Get Over It. Any complaints can be forwarded to 1-800-waa-waaa. This is Dr. Sniffle Reporting LIVE from Quitchur Fussin'. If you like this message....great. If you don't...suck it up cupcake, Life doesn't revolve around YOU (LOL)!
;) D
Friday, July 29, 2011
Sunday, July 17, 2011
a great quote!
Saw this on facebook...just love it!
D
"A real woman always keeps her house clean and organized,the laundry basket is always empty.She's always well dressed, hair done. She never swears, behaves gracefully in all situations and all circumstances.She has more than enough patience to take care of her family, always has a smile on her lips and a kind word for everyone. Post this as your status if you have just realized that you might be a man."
D
"A real woman always keeps her house clean and organized,the laundry basket is always empty.She's always well dressed, hair done. She never swears, behaves gracefully in all situations and all circumstances.She has more than enough patience to take care of her family, always has a smile on her lips and a kind word for everyone. Post this as your status if you have just realized that you might be a man."
Friday, July 15, 2011
Busy Contest
Is there some kind of memo that went out to the women of the world that we need to outdo each other on our already outrageous schedules? How many times have you been somewhere with a group of ladies and someone (maybe you, yeah you know who you are)starts spouting off about what they've done that day or what they still have to do and the next thing you know beyond in it like some psycho schedule poker game. "Oh really Jane? Well I'll raise you that step class for a 3 mile jog and a batch of cupcakes."
"Don't go there Marie! I already had a pap smear, baked a lasagna and breast fed my maltipoo this morning."
I call these ladies "Listy Lisas." They are never happy unless they can outdo you in all areas of career, motherhood and wifedom.
Don't get me wrong girls, I'm a can-do girl and I admire others who are the same. It's not what's said, it's the self satisfied tone that it's listed in. It's not simply stated as a matter of fact, "Hi Jill, here's what I've going on...", it's an "In your face, Peggy Sue!" kind of thing. For goodness sakes ladies we're not marines, we don't have to get it all done before 8am! Let's mellow out on ourselves ( and eachother) and add going to the beach ,painting our toes, reading a book or *gasp!*the occasional nap to the list once in a while. You wont die, and trust me you make all the "listy lisas" secretly jealous ;)
D
"Don't go there Marie! I already had a pap smear, baked a lasagna and breast fed my maltipoo this morning."
I call these ladies "Listy Lisas." They are never happy unless they can outdo you in all areas of career, motherhood and wifedom.
Don't get me wrong girls, I'm a can-do girl and I admire others who are the same. It's not what's said, it's the self satisfied tone that it's listed in. It's not simply stated as a matter of fact, "Hi Jill, here's what I've going on...", it's an "In your face, Peggy Sue!" kind of thing. For goodness sakes ladies we're not marines, we don't have to get it all done before 8am! Let's mellow out on ourselves ( and eachother) and add going to the beach ,painting our toes, reading a book or *gasp!*the occasional nap to the list once in a while. You wont die, and trust me you make all the "listy lisas" secretly jealous ;)
D
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Yo AARP!
Can you please stop sending me ads for Senior services? I am not a senior because I have now jumped a bracket and am in the 40-45 versus the 35-39. I am not officially a senior until I begin buying fixodent by the case and wearing depends....and even then I'm bedazzling mine. I say if you've got to do it, do it in style!
D
D
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Why some people shouldn't have cameras....
Here are some awesome pics sent to me by my #1 Spin Ninja!
:) D
:) D
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Random Thoughts, Quotes & Rants
For all those men who say, 'Why buy the cow when you can
get the milk for free? Here's an update for you. Nowadays 80%
of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize
it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!--Andy Rooney
The Three Ages of Marriage: Twenty is when you watch the TV after. Forty is when you watch the TV during. Sixty is when you watch the TV instead. -- Unknown
Women will never be as successful as men because they have no wives to advise them. -- Dick Van Dyke
Joan Collins unfortunately can't be with us tonight. She's busy attending the birth of her next husband. -- John Parrott
The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits -- Albert Einstein
I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type. -- Bob Hope
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... - Louis Hector Berlioz
.
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. - Maryon Pearson
Men should be like Kleenex, soft, strong and disposable. - Mrs. White, (Clue 1985)
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.--- A. Whitney Brown
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
And my personal favorite....
Eagles may soar,but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Ladies, make sure you check out this awesome site....who hasn't wanted the perfect cure for their camel toe affliction? And now, it's here....
https://www.cuchini.com/
That's my Daily Rant...
D
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Welcome to hell week, pass the m&m's....
My dear husband is the sole testosterone source in our family. It's him vs. 3 girls....3 menstruating females in the house. Sometimes, he comes home and there's a trifecta of ranting, crying and cravings going on with all 3 of us, at which time, he smartly offers to go to Costco and pick up a multi-pack of tampons and a pizza.
Through the years he has learned what to do and not do during that time of the month. That time would be that magical week or two between PMS and period. And as you ladies know, we women that hang out, work or live together, all begin to have our periods at the same time. Our cycles sync up in some kind of evil hormonal hoe down and there you go.... welcome to hell week, folks!
Luckily, teen PMS-ers are generally easier for Dads to handle as they tend to focus their venom on mom and/or their siblings. Your best case scenario is, one of the other women/girls in the house will say something to set her off, and she will stomp away while screaming "you just don't undertstand me!" or "I hate you!", slam the door to her room, and blast musci while she talks on the phone with her friends about how lame you all are and how she is so out of there when she turns 18. If you pull up to the house and notice that you are the only one home with a pms-y teen....drive away. Make periodic drive-bys, while ducking down so as not to be recognized, until someone else has shown up to take their fair share of the wrath or she's left to go commiserate with friends.
Now that special woman in your life can take these moments to a whole other level. So, here are a few helpful hints....
1. If she begans to repeat the phrases " that's just so irritating!" or "that's really getting on my nerves", either to you or to herself, stay alert, there's more coming. If these phrases are said while she is pacing, waving her arms and/or rubbing her temples, take immediate action. You may be able to head of a full-blown PMS meltdown if you do the following;
--Gently rub her shoulders and ask if there's anything you can do to help. Even if she says "no", do something anyway. Extra points if it's something she's been asking you to do.
Ex., fixing the screen door, picking up your underwear off the bathroom floor, writing an inspirational poem about what she means to do you...it doesn't matter how crazy, just frickin do it!
--Offer to finish whatever chore she's in the middle of doing and for the love of all that's holy, do it "her" way. Don't make the bed and leave the pillows all jacked up, don't wash the darks and lights together, don't make the kid's school lunch and forget the juice box...you've never seen a woman go off until you have forgotten a lunch box item! For your own sake, do it the right way--and that way would be her way.
--Begin to agree with her even if you have no idea what she's talking about. Make all of the appropriate noises-- "uh uh", "no", "really?"-- at the correct times. Throw in a "no way!" or "what could they have been thinking?" to show that you are really paying attention. Offer tissues if she's crying ,wine and chocolate accompanied by knee patting and back rubbing if necesary and make sure to give her a post-PMS fit hug even if you're still afraid that she's going to rip off your privates and show them to you.
Now men, an important point. If you don't take my advice and decide to handle it your own way,please try to remember the emergency "oh no, you did not just say that to me, you #$@%!" procedures....
If you utter any of the following phrases,take immediate evasive actions....
"what's your problem?"
"are you on the rag?"
"is it that time of the month again?"
"what's the big deal?"
Now, you've done it and there's only a few ways you'll get out alive...
--Take a defensive wide legged stance and duck and dodge whatever's being thrown at you. If you have time while she's looking for something to lob, sprint to your truck or toolshed and get your protective cup, baseball mitt and old football helment. Quickly don them all while running in a zig zag formation and screaming out how sorry you are.
--While holding up a pint of haagen dazs as an offering, back slowly away... do not make direct eye contact! Lay it gently down on the table (with a spoon and napkin of course, we're not in the wild here!) and stand to the side, hands folded meekly in front of you while looking conrite. If this does not work and the ice cream is flung off the table or she is engaging in dangerous hands on the hips while glaring and foot tapping behavior, drop to the ground and assume the fetal postion. If you're lucky she'll pass by without incident.
--If neither of these work, run, don't walk to a safe location. It's probably a fellow father of girls house and you've no doubt worked out your evacuation plans in advance. If not, climb onto your roof and start frantically signalling army helicopters with your shirt and hope they will throw down a rope ladder and you'll be rescued. If they don't show up, stay on the roof for at least an hour and then call her on your cell phone and ask if you can return home and run a nice bubble bath for her to soak in while you get the kids all squared away for the night. Even if she says "yes", heads up, she could be waiting for you at the bottom, holding scissors to your favorite sports jersey. If that's the case, scamper back up and start building that 2nd story you're always talking about.
That's my daily rant...
D
Through the years he has learned what to do and not do during that time of the month. That time would be that magical week or two between PMS and period. And as you ladies know, we women that hang out, work or live together, all begin to have our periods at the same time. Our cycles sync up in some kind of evil hormonal hoe down and there you go.... welcome to hell week, folks!
Luckily, teen PMS-ers are generally easier for Dads to handle as they tend to focus their venom on mom and/or their siblings. Your best case scenario is, one of the other women/girls in the house will say something to set her off, and she will stomp away while screaming "you just don't undertstand me!" or "I hate you!", slam the door to her room, and blast musci while she talks on the phone with her friends about how lame you all are and how she is so out of there when she turns 18. If you pull up to the house and notice that you are the only one home with a pms-y teen....drive away. Make periodic drive-bys, while ducking down so as not to be recognized, until someone else has shown up to take their fair share of the wrath or she's left to go commiserate with friends.
Now that special woman in your life can take these moments to a whole other level. So, here are a few helpful hints....
1. If she begans to repeat the phrases " that's just so irritating!" or "that's really getting on my nerves", either to you or to herself, stay alert, there's more coming. If these phrases are said while she is pacing, waving her arms and/or rubbing her temples, take immediate action. You may be able to head of a full-blown PMS meltdown if you do the following;
--Gently rub her shoulders and ask if there's anything you can do to help. Even if she says "no", do something anyway. Extra points if it's something she's been asking you to do.
Ex., fixing the screen door, picking up your underwear off the bathroom floor, writing an inspirational poem about what she means to do you...it doesn't matter how crazy, just frickin do it!
--Offer to finish whatever chore she's in the middle of doing and for the love of all that's holy, do it "her" way. Don't make the bed and leave the pillows all jacked up, don't wash the darks and lights together, don't make the kid's school lunch and forget the juice box...you've never seen a woman go off until you have forgotten a lunch box item! For your own sake, do it the right way--and that way would be her way.
--Begin to agree with her even if you have no idea what she's talking about. Make all of the appropriate noises-- "uh uh", "no", "really?"-- at the correct times. Throw in a "no way!" or "what could they have been thinking?" to show that you are really paying attention. Offer tissues if she's crying ,wine and chocolate accompanied by knee patting and back rubbing if necesary and make sure to give her a post-PMS fit hug even if you're still afraid that she's going to rip off your privates and show them to you.
Now men, an important point. If you don't take my advice and decide to handle it your own way,please try to remember the emergency "oh no, you did not just say that to me, you #$@%!" procedures....
If you utter any of the following phrases,take immediate evasive actions....
"what's your problem?"
"are you on the rag?"
"is it that time of the month again?"
"what's the big deal?"
Now, you've done it and there's only a few ways you'll get out alive...
--Take a defensive wide legged stance and duck and dodge whatever's being thrown at you. If you have time while she's looking for something to lob, sprint to your truck or toolshed and get your protective cup, baseball mitt and old football helment. Quickly don them all while running in a zig zag formation and screaming out how sorry you are.
--While holding up a pint of haagen dazs as an offering, back slowly away... do not make direct eye contact! Lay it gently down on the table (with a spoon and napkin of course, we're not in the wild here!) and stand to the side, hands folded meekly in front of you while looking conrite. If this does not work and the ice cream is flung off the table or she is engaging in dangerous hands on the hips while glaring and foot tapping behavior, drop to the ground and assume the fetal postion. If you're lucky she'll pass by without incident.
--If neither of these work, run, don't walk to a safe location. It's probably a fellow father of girls house and you've no doubt worked out your evacuation plans in advance. If not, climb onto your roof and start frantically signalling army helicopters with your shirt and hope they will throw down a rope ladder and you'll be rescued. If they don't show up, stay on the roof for at least an hour and then call her on your cell phone and ask if you can return home and run a nice bubble bath for her to soak in while you get the kids all squared away for the night. Even if she says "yes", heads up, she could be waiting for you at the bottom, holding scissors to your favorite sports jersey. If that's the case, scamper back up and start building that 2nd story you're always talking about.
That's my daily rant...
D
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