Today on a walk I passed a truck. This was no ordinary truck. This truck had a very unique sticker, it said;
"I Love My Wife"
.....in huge letters surrounded by flowers.
I know a few of you are thinking " oh, how sweet, what a good husband he must be."
Wrongo! I''m here to set you straight on why this sticker is totally jacked up.
I've been married a long time so believe me when I say I know husbands. And nearly every husband I've ever known,including mine,would rather french braid his nose hair and shave his left one, than display this sticker.
There are only 3 reasons why a husband would put a sticker like this anywhere on his vehicle;
1. He's a newlywed. I mean real new, as in married under 30 days. He's also probably very young,very insecure and/or borderline gay and trying to convince himself he's not. More than likely he's a combo of all three. In other words, by month 2, that stickers coming off that truck!
2. His wife has hit the lotto or gotten some other kind of huge cash settlement. This means he has put on the sticker because he's screwed up big time in the past and is now making a desperate gesture of adoration in hopes that she won't divorce his a*#. Good Luck, buddy! If you've been dogging this woman and now she's got cash, she may smile to your face,but believe me when I say she's hired a recent parolee to shank you in the night. Within in a week, he'll wise up, take off the sticker and go into witness protection.
3. He's cheated with a member of her family. Seriously,do I really need to explain this one? He blew it and now he's driving around trying to show everyone,most importantly his wife, that he's a good boy again. As soon as she catches him with cousin Betty again, (and we know she will, don't we, ladies?) she will scrape off the sticker with a rusty screwdriver and then chase him around the yard with said screwdriver until the police arrive.
Believe me, I can just about guarantee that the next time I pass that truck, it will stickerless and possible keyed,Tp'ed or covered in copies of the TRO she just filed on him.
That's my daily rant...
D
